I haven’t done a baby related post in some time. I wanted the right topic to talk about and even this lovely topic took a few days to put together properly, especially being that women who suffer from Low Libido after childbirth is such a taboo topic. For Some Sex is a touchy topic, for me “bring it on”, I am so fortunate that I have a group of women who just break out the popcorn and raisinettes to chat about their sexual issues and concerned quite vividly!
After having a baby some topics are a little more sensitive, especially to none mothers. Your Vajayjay now takes on……. a new personality, if you will. Everything changes about it, how it looks feels and smells. Note these aren’t necessarily bad things they are just….. different. It takes some Vajayjays longer to bounce back than other, be patience mommy your body was made for childbirth so you will be just fine.
The most surprising thing for me personally after childbirth was suffering from Low Libido…I mean I had NO sex drive…none, gone, finish, kaput!. Of course, this was clearly not a MAJOR concern for me I was laser focused on my daughter, getting the baby to sleep through the night, changing her and not to mention how horrible breastfeeding was in the initial stages. Sex who? But sure enough husband dearest notice it spot on.
I had a few issues and I was really afraid to say anything. I could not switch my mind off from being my baby’s mom to being his wife. My baby touched my breast and sucked on it for milk and my brain was now wired for her needs and no longer for the need to get pleasure from my breast. 6 years later and I still have difficulty making that mental switch. If you’re already on birth controls this may be a factor why you have a low libido. Some birth controls will decrease your drive for sex, speak to your doctor and consider changing the pills or finding an alternative means of birth control.
Here are some tricks and tips that work for me, with support, of-course from your partner, if your single then you won’t have this issue then would yah, but it will be fun to start to prepare to back in the saddle. In the saddle, such a rough term, anyhow let’s get into it:
Tips to Increase Your Low Libido
- Sex HAD to be a priority, it had to be that thing that I literally put on my to-do list and check off when completed. Here’s a thought make a tracker in your bullet journal for how often you actually do have sex. A tracker will give you a visual of how bad things are and start conditioning your mind to fix the issue. If you’re not sure how to get started or what is a bullet journal I have a checklist you can download here. I had to schedule Sex. Like, write down, set alarm and a special ringtone with reminders the day before to get it on. After a while, it will all come back and you will fall into a nice rhythm
- I had to take my self-esteem into my own hands Like a stubborn bull that needs self-building tools to be better. I started shopping for lingerie, taking the baby to get my toes done, got my face made up in the mall while I went to pick up stuff for the baby. I even took my baby on coffee dates. I went for energetic walks, read raunchy books. I suggest 50 Shades of Grey Trilogy, relax it’s more about love than bondage. But what’s wrong with a little bondage.
- This was the hardest thing I had to do. It took guts and a lot of self-reassurance and some MAJOR support from hubby. One of the most confidence building activity I did was a photoshoot. A postnatal photoshoot. I worked with a lady photographer who was also a mom and I did poses and wore garments that just made me feel absolutely sassy. I showed by scared belly my extra full breast and I stared at the photos and just appreciated how awesome my body was to give birth. Extraordinary and life-changing. I displayed my photographs in an album I bought just for me and hubby.
- Allowing daddy to do his part was a game changer. I ended up being the gatekeeper for the baby and manager of all the chores and tasks. If you are overworked and exhausted you won’t be in the mood for Sex… ever! I had to understand when I need to ask for help from the neighbour, daddy, mom, mother in law, besties and well-wishers I could trust. Calling on help allowed me to REST and SLEEP and REST some more
- Setting the mood for romance was a big deal for me. I found that if I conditioned my mind from in the morning that I’m gonna get busy tonight, I would build up an anticipation for the night’s events. I start with preparing a meal, lighting candles wearing that raunchy lingerie or reading a few pages of a romantic novel, then I would be more open for intimacy. If your having an issue coming up with ideas for a date night grab my date night activity sheet here. Oh it’s free
- Remember that sex begets sex. Having sex raises your natural testosterone levels and as such boosts your libido which will help you get back into the swing….So get back on the bicycle and start a “riding”
If you’re doing all these things and still no libido then go see your OBGYN. Here’s what I can tell you. Your body is changing day by day. Today it will corporate and tomorrow it will shock you. I had to learn to just expect anything and deal with each stage one day at a time. I good resource that helped me loads was Baby Centre. Baby Centre sent emails every week up until my baby was a toddler and the community aspect of it was ideal to find moms in your area that was going through a similar thing that I was. The mothers in the Baby Centre Communities were very vocal and opinionated. Be very clear which your questions and watch the overwhelming support you will receive there are other women sufferinf from having a low libido.
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WHILE YOU’RE HERE….GRAB THESE
Since you here. Don’t forget to download my Dating Guide. Also if you have toddlers or big kids grab that Morning Routine Checklist to make your life a little easier. I haven’t forgotten about the Mommy’s, with a mountain high to-do list go ahead and grab that Bullet Journal Starter Kit and organize the heck out of your life.