Dealing with a deadbeat dad can be frustrating. The main tip is not to lose your cool but to be strategic, logical and emotionally bankrupt. All this comes with practice self-aware and of course confidence in your ability to deal with the issues.
5 Tips to Dealing With a Deadbeat Dad
I have been separated for quite some time and it has played a tole on mine and my kid’s life. Over time I learnt how to strategize and use some unconventional methods to get by.
1. Record Everything
Start recording everything. Find the best way to keep track of all the money you spend, all occurrences of his calls and visit and what was said. Yes, sounds ominous but its to protect you and your kids. Planning for the worst-case scenario isn’t living in fear is being smart about your situation
I know that this is hard but you need to talk to him at first. Find out what he wants and see if you can come to some kind of arrangement. His deadbeatness may come under control with some simple request but you will not be able to find that out if you don’t communicate. If the relationship was toxic then please ensure you find a mediator. Someone who has the kids best interest at heart.
3. Seek Legal Help
Mediation is usually your first step. I live in Jamaica and before we go to the big court in front of a judge both parents are given a chance to come to some kind of agreement. The kid’s lifestyle is taken into account, along with how much money you both make, living conditions of both parents and so forth. Since he’s the one not doing much that would mean you have the kids, so custody should not be an issue, if it is, then be calm and open-minded.
4. Be Open
Doesn’t mean accept anything being open mean not depriving the kids of their father, unless he is toxic then you always, always want to let him see his kids. It’s hard and it will make you mad but your job is not to decide the kind of relationship your kid’s dad has with his kids, that’s his penance to bear. Allow him to if he wants it even marginally. Take yourself out of it and be open.
5. Create Boundaries
Being open can lead to you getting comfortable, that is okay if you and the kids are ALL comfortable and it is working. However, creating boundaries for your sanity and safety is imperative. Here are some tips
- If he was abusive meet in a public place with a trusted friend
- Establish a particular day for pick
- Inform needed persons of that day and the protocol
- Put in place effective communication between kids and daddy once your kids are old enough
6. Don’t Expect Immediate Results
The legal system is slow, especially when you’re owed years of back support. Don’t expect anything to change immediately, and don’t make any financial decisions based on anticipated support. It could be years before you see any money, and if your ex is bankrupt or has no job, even a child support order won’t get you the money you deserve.
7. Budget Well
Not having the money to get buy can be frustrating and wreak havoc on your life. My saving grace was budgeting. Having a good budget allowed me to out fires and plan for eventualities. Here are the budgeting tips that have used to help me and the girls. Don’t rely on the kid’s dad to pay over his portion, try to live and budget without it. He is a dead beat after all which means he’s unreliable and most like has a don’t care attitude.
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With dealing with a deadbeat dad it’s best to have patience and lower your expectations along with not expect any change right away.